Friday the 13th

Again...I actually had work to do today...its much nicer having something to keep you busy instead of having to find something to keep you busy.

I'm leaving CoMo today after work...in 40 minutes, and heading to Springfield. I'll stop and hang-out with one of the coolest people ever: Rachel Prevette. Then head home. Monday I'll be up bright and early to head west.

Will I watch some scary movies or read a scary book tonight.....are you crazy?!?!?! Of course I won't...I don't like scary movies--they creep me out. I would rather laugh hysterically than wet my pants in terror!!!

Finally....work at work

I didn't post yesterday.....I actually had plenty of work to do throughout the whole day!!

And I don't really have anything to say today....other than giving an excuse for further infrequent posts.
I'll be out of town for the next two weeks, destination: Glen Eyrie in Colorado Springs, CO
I'll still have my computer and wireless internet but you have no idea how much (if any) free time you'll have at training conference thingys. So no promises on super-amazing posts....whoever actually reads this.
I'm really excited to go and I don't really have many expectations....which I've found to be a really good thing. Allows me to be more teachable I think. But I do have expectations for learning lots!!

Thats all :)

There's power in that Name

So I didn't post anything yesterday...not necessarily because I didn't have time, but because I had some pretty awesome thoughts throughout the entire day and I was waiting until I could relay them in some consice form.....don't think I'm there yet but I'll post anyway.

I spend time with God in the mornings before I go to work, which usually ends up being from 6:30 to 7:15am.....really not enough time, I would very much like for it to be longer....but I get up at 6am already and the entire day gets me exhausted. No excuse though....
Anyway....I've been reading through a chronological bible during those times and I decided I really wanted God to show me something amazing--to open up my eyes and teach me something new and that He would have the freedom to do that throughout the whole bible, not just through Samuel or Psalms (which is where I am chronologically). So using the best random system I knew how: I prayed and flipped randomly to a section in the bible.

I came across John chapter 18 where Jesus is met in the Garden by His betrayers. Here's the amazing part that God showed me (vs. 4-7): when they told Him they were looking for Jesus of Nazareth, He replied, "I AM he." Then they (Judas and a contingent of Roman soldiers and Temple guards) drew back and fell to the ground! In my NLT version the I AM is capitalized referring to the Old Testiment when God tells Moses His name. Jesus is standing there, says His Name and all His enemies fall backwards!!! Its so awesome!!!

This makes me think of a lot of stuff: (1) When Jesus returns [Revelation 19:15] "from His mouth came a sharp sword to strike down the nations..." Simply opening His mouth, he can slay His enemies. Reading a commentary the author states that in doing this He shows His power and offers them an opportunity to repent and praise Him. He very well could have not only thrown them to the ground but thrown them into Hell. He didn't because he knew it wasn't time, instead it was His time to lay down His own life. (2) There is a reference to where God told Moses His name in Exodus 3. Moses asks what he should say when people ask the name of the God he represents. God replies, "I AM who I AM. Say this to the people of Israel: I AM has sent me to you.....Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh, the God of your ancestors...has sent me to you. This is my eternal name, my name to remember for all generations." Yahweh is basically interchangeable with I AM. Yahweh is actually YHWH, its also The LORD in the bible which is God's name...the Jews believed you weren't supposed to speak it---so you wouldn't accidently blaspheme God's name. I'm not sure, but I don't think there are many other places where I AM is used. Then to see Jesus claiming to be I AM and the explosive power of that Name.....its amazing!!! (3) This also makes me think about being slain in the spirit....how God's power threw them off of their feet. (4) I decided to listen to a sermon on God's name (I specifically wanted a whole sermon on "I AM" but got more than that!!) and found John Piper's sermon: "I AM who I AM" It was really good and mentioned about seven points for that topic. A few of the most interesting ones mentioned that 'I AM' allows for no beginning or end. You can ask someone where they are from, how they got there...who their parents are. When you ask God....He just is. He has no beginning. Another point is that He is indescribable. I AM who I AM = I am God, I am all things good....

This morning I wanted some time with Him that would be just as amazing and that He would allow me to understand His power. I flipped again...and came upon the exact same passage. I then flipped to a random place in Psalms and came across Psalm 29.
The voice of the Lord:
echos above the sea
is powerful
is majestic
splits the might cedars (shatters the cedars of Lebanon)
strikes with bolts of lightning
makes the barren wilderness quake
twists mighty oaks and strips the forests bare

Dang!!! His voice is pretty powerful...no wonder those men (soldiers and temple guards) were thrown off of their feet.

That's all I have for now....I might add more later.

I earned it!! ....didn't I?

I don't really have much to write about....

-I'm incredibly bored at work, I haven't had anything to do for several hours now.

-I'm still reading through the Transforming Grace book....its a bit long and repeats itself. There's a ton of good stuff, but goodness!! Plus since its not really a story or anything, I can only read bits at a time or else I start nodding off.

There is one thing I had been thinking about, which finally the book has move onto:
Since we are saved by grace, God gives us grace throughout our lives. No matter what we do, whether we excel in having consistent quiet times, memorize tons of scripture, teach others, or simply live life and remain horribly inconsistent in all spiritual disciplines....our reward is the same. We will be equally saved.
Then why practice spiritual disciplines? What's our motivation, if its not working towards some great reward? Why not go on sinning so grace abounds more and more?

We practice spiritual disciplines out of gratitude for what God has already done. In the kingdom, you work without much of a reward. You still reap what you sow but you may not deserve what you reap, or you may not even get to keep what you reap. In practicing spiritual disciplines we can grow in our understanding of who God is, we can be better prepared to 'fight', we can develop skills.....but the more we 'master' spiritual disciplines doesn't mean a greater reward in heaven. Our reward is God, there is nothing better....and we don't deserve Him.

I'm sad to say I don't think I've relayed the appropriate motivations for practicing spiritual disciplines. Sure I've mentioned the things above.....how we benefit. But I've failed to mention that its all about praising God. Romans 12:1 describes our spiritual act of worship--to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This isn't saying we practice spiritual disciplines to make ourselves more holy so that we can please God even more fully. Instead its saying do these things, practice obedience because God has given you a gift you will never ever be able to deserve. Live your life out of gratitude and reverence for the one who had mercy and compassion on you, knowing before you even started that you wouldn't come close to deserving Him or any of His gifts that we so quickly take for granted.

Grace

I don't understand it and I'm sure none of us will ever completely understand until we're with Him. Grace is so beautiful, complicated and can easily become a spark for ugliness.
I'm still making my way through Transforming Grace: Living Confidently in God's Unfailing Love. (That is an enormous title so I'm going to refer to the book as Transforming Grace) As I read each chapter I'm challenged to assess the ways I've been thinking, how I view and approach grace. Most of the time I realize that I was missing something all along. I think its so easy for us to get into the 'works' mindset, especially since that's the way the world around us works. Everything: school, work, other religions are all founded on you get what you put into it. Sometimes that is how Christianity works...in understanding things putting time into studying. But salvation, life, and heaven.....not at all. Its all grace. Being the hardworking student and employee that I am, I realize by the world's standards the more hours I put in at work, the more I get paid. Is that how it works in the Kingdom. No. The book spent a little over a chapter talking about a parable that Jesus shared, the parable of the landowner: Matt 20:1-16 It basically pointed out that someone who goes to work at 8 am and stays till 5pm, will get paid the same amount as someone who works from 4pm to 5pm. The world and the worldliness in us scoffs and complains about fairness. Those who worked less didn't earn their pay. What Jesus is saying is that those who worked the full day didn't really earn it either. He was being generous to both, especially the one who worked less.

Relating this to salvation. He freely gives the free gift of eternal life to whomever He choses. There will be those who have been believers longer and there will be those who just recently became believers. There will be those who had their daily quiet times and those who may have never read the bible. In the parable as the workers complain, the landowner says, "Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am so generous?" The author later told a story about an English class consisting of hard workers and slackers. In the end all recieved A's. I can imagine the look on some of the slackers' faces....they know they don't deserve the A, and yet the professor was so generous--not only did he not let them fail but he gave them an excellent grade. We, as Christians, need to realize that all our efforts combined still reward us with a failing grade. Its by God's grace that we get over and above what we deserve!!!

Resistance

Resistance:

--opposition, refusal to comply, force that opposes an opposite force
--defiance, refusal, fight, struggle, conflict, challenge, disobedience, rebelliousness, insolent....

(also an illegal secret organization that fights for national freedom against an occupying power, especially one that fought in France, the Netherlands, Denmark or Italy during WWII)
Who knew.

Why are we so resistant?
As children we can't stand not going our own way. As children of God, we fight to do what we want, we fight to take control. Even in tiny, somewhat irrelevant situations.
A synonym of resistance is disobedience. Is it still considered disobedience when we are initially resistant then finally give in? If so, Wow!! I'm pretty disobedient.

I kind of think it is still disobedience. Picture a kid at a grocery store. They want candy and of course their parents don't want them to have any. The parent grabs them by the hand expecting to lead them away from the candy. The kid resists and pulls away....the parent is so much stronger than the kid and drags the kid in the opposite direction. The kid isn't acting obediently at all!!! That's what I do all the time with God.
Even today or situations where I have a set up schedule that I plan to stick to. My boss gave me a bit more work to do: sectioning a rat brain and mounting the tissue on slides, she wanted me to let her know when I was done so she could look at them (she was excited to see if an experiment worked). I figured I'd be done in an hour so I could take my break at 12pm, then start on another experiment that had to be started at 1pm. Well it was taking me much longer than an hour and all of the sudden it was 1pm. So I had to quickly start the other experiment, this made my sectioning go by even slower. I finally finished sectioning around 2:30. I could leave my stuff and take a lunch break (I was starving), or I could go and tell my boss that I had finished if she wanted to take a look at the slides. Even in this situation...which doesn't matter at all to the world....my flesh was battling my spirit. Food can always wait, and my boss was anticipating looking at the slides. It took me several minutes to finally decide to take them to my boss. Then of course I had to sit and look at them with her. 3:30 I get to eat some food, but only 10 minutes at a time due to the other experiment that I was running. I knew what I was supposed to do.....but my flesh was only thinking of myself. Like I said...really, it didn't matter. If I hadn't told my boss I was done, she wouldn't have known.
Is that disobedience? I didn't do it until God dragged me by the hand and it wasn't even that big of a deal!!!

After this I read Ephesians 6:7 where it talks about us working with a smile on our faces, working as if we were working for God....because we are. Then I think about all the grumbling I do. I would be pretty annoyed with it if someone were grumbling when I told them to do something, no matter how important it seemed.

I need to cut down on my resistance.