Bbbllllaaaahhhaggghhhh!!

What's inside of me?

How do I get it out?

Why in the world do I have to have feelings that are swarming inside of me that I can't seem to understand at all?  I bet if I could let all of this junk out, whatever the heck it is, I would feel much better and could make some amazing art!!

All of my art is very analytical, structured, precise and geometric.  Some of my favorite pieces of art are abstract figures with crisp and defined lines, bold colors and very random without meaning.  I've realized through a lot of growing that I put up tons of walls around my heart not allowing feelings to come in or go out and I bet this affects my artwork.  Because I don't know how to let feelings out... growing through all of this has been frustrating and stretching.  I'm finally able to express myself a bit more verbally, though its very awkward.  But thinking about my artwork and how I express myself, its going to look differently than my old art.  Its frustrating because I can see what I want to do in my mind (sometimes) but I can't seem to get it out; probably because its not well defined, geometric, or abstract.  

The awesome thing is that I have a desire to have meaning behind my art now, it just looks crappy.  I guess I just need to get through some crappy pieces of art, grow in understanding more of my feelings and the connection to my art, how to get past defined lines and let God guide my hand.

....oh and the title is my expression of all the swarming junk inside me trying to get out :)