Sorry... I don't have a catchy title

Every time I look through my journal I read a few entries that start out, "I'm horrible at writing consistently, so this is what has happened since my last entry...."  As I wrote in my last post I always feel this need to give an update on what has happened between now and then.  Well... way too much has happened, which is sad really and should be written out for everyone to see--its really good stuff.  But hopefully you know me and have been in the loop for the past few months.  

I will, however, give a very brief update [just to remain consistent :)]  I've been loving my staff position with the Navigators, every minute of it in fact.  I've grown so much more than I ever expected in a position where I pour out.  God has been good to me reminding me that to be affective I have to fill up first.  I had a season of studying repentance which was amazing and oh so satisfying as my eyes were opened to new passions for teaching and areas of repentance in my own life.  I've had a super long season of understanding love: God's love for me, my love for Him, the love of others towards me, my love towards others, growing in trust and opening up my heart to actual feelings.  I'm not sure I knew my heart could hurt, twist, be burdened and love in so many different ways.  And thankfully, God has been gracious to me and given me a beautiful friend whom I love and know loves me and is faithful enough to push me and walk with me as my heart gets exposed to the point of actually becoming vulnerable.  (That would be you Dudeman)

I've grown in trusting God with promises (starting with the fact that I don't really trust Him at all), I've grown in my passion and zeal for godliness and so many other areas that I don't have time to list.  

With all of this growth, my eyes have grown to see just how much more I need to grow!!

So today this is what I've been thinking about: selfishness.

I'm very selfish.  I realize that I say, "I want.." a lot or of course "I don't want..."  I've actually been thinking about this quite a bit and have been wondering how I need to be growing in selflessness.  I picked up a NAVS promises book remembering that I had seen there was a topic on selfishness and really liked how one of the verses was written.  

1 Peter 4:1-2  "Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like Him.  Think of your suffering as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way.  Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want."

Now this version is from the Message which a lot of people don't like, but I love it especially how emotion is portrayed.  I love how the end of the verse shows the extreme opposites of freedom in desiring what God wants compared to the overwhelming oppression by becoming a slave to our own desires.  Losing everything all of the sudden sounds so refreshing.  

There was a time today where I was feeling overwhelmed, some kind of pain and agitation in my heart and all I could think of was what I wanted to do or didn't want to do.  I realized after reading from Galations 5 that that feeling was a huge battle between my self-seeking flesh and my free spirit.  It's crazy that we can have an all out war within us, thankfully God lets us know what's going on.